I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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