I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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