Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
