Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
