We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I've blown a few things in my day
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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