My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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