I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
