i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just pee around me
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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