He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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