Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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