apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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