I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
