That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
