What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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