Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
