Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
