How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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