i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
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