I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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