I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
