Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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