Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
