I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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