dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
