Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
