He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
