wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
