Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
