Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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