Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
