Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
