There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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