Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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