Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
