So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
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