I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
