dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
