My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
