I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
