When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
