My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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