YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
