And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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