She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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