Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
