Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
