Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
