69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Terrible idea I love it
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
