come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
