Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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