So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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