There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
